Scene 1. Outside in line.
Mini girl with a huge mouth comes by with papers, pen and a blocnote. On her belt hangs a walky-talky that beeps regularly. In a high voice:
HEY guys! So great to see you! How are we doing today? Good? That's Grreat! Thanks for coming! Are you a party of two? Here are you're seating tickets. Have a GRREAT time ya'll!
The girl walks on to the people next in line and repeats with the same exhausting enhousiasme exactly the same words.
Scene 2. Reception room
Mini girl is lifted on a table by a touch bodyguard.
HI EVERYBODY! Welcome at The Colbert Report! Are you all exited to be here? -a hundered and ten people cheer - That is GRREAT! In a minute, you're all going into the studio's for the taping, and of course we need you to be exited! Are You EXITED? - a hundered and ten people cheer again - Grreat! Inside the studio you canNOT eat, drink or use any recording equipment. If you do, one of the security guys can confiscate your equipment and that would be, well, A BUMMER! - a hundered and ten people laugh - So first, you're getting a warm-up by a real STAND-UP Comedian (names a totally unknown name). Isn't that GRREAT? - cheering again - You're going to have So Much Fun! And then, Stephen will come out and TALK to you Guys! OUT OF CHARACTER! How Cool is that! - a hundered and ten people go wild - You'll be able to ask him some questions. BUT you cannot give him something or ask him to sign something for you. And you cannot ask him certain question. Questins concerning everything underneath the waist and above the knees, you better keep to yourself - a hundered and ten people laugh - So, just a Few More Minutes Guys. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!
Scene 3: entrance of the studio
Guy with earplugs stands on a box and talks to the audience:
HI EVERYBODY! Welcome at The Colbert Report! Are you all exited to be here? -a hundered and ten people cheer - That is GREAT! In a minute, you're all going into the studio's for the taping, and of course we need you to be exited! Are You EXITED? - a hundered and ten people cheer again- So we all need you to be VERY EXITED - more cheering-. That's Great! Stephen is a stand-up comedian, but he needs YOU as an audience to help him. The more you support him and cheer, the BETTER the show will be. And that is what we ALL want, right? A GREAT SHOW! - more cheering - I'm going to let you in in just a minute, and we're going to do that in numerological order. First, people with number one to thirteen please, ONE to THIRTHEEN. - people wait for their numbers and calmly walk into the studio - HAVE A GREAT TIME GUYS!
Scene 4: in de studio
Stand-up comedian during the warm-up
Hey GUYS, we need you to be very EXITED of course, and I KNOW you ARE, but sometimes, we need you to go Apeshit. For example, when I introduce Stephen to you, you really have to go apeshit and stand up and clap and yell for him. That will give him the energy to make it a GREAT SHOW, and that is what YOU came for, RIGHT? - a hundered and ten people laugh and clap - And then, sometimes we just need you to enjoy yourself without going apeshit, but we need you to enjoy yourself LOUD - people laugh and clap - Because Stephen needs to hear you, and the people that whatch the show on tv need to hear you too. So if you're having a GREAT time, show it! And if you are not enjoying yourself, if you like don't have any sence of humour, you can always follow your neighbour - people laugh - you know, when your neighbour laughs, YOU laugh too!
So, since we cannot be sure that you go apeshit when we need you to, here's Tom the floormanager - audience claps - who will show you when you need to go apeshit. Let's practise one time, Tom can you make the gesture? -Tom counts down, makes a waiving gesture with the script in his hands and a hundered and ten people get up to cheer, clap and yell - THAT is GREAT guys, keep doing that later! So, you're about to meet Stephen OUT OF CHARACHTER! Please tell me you all know it's a CHARACTER! - audience laughs and claps - We are ready to start, are YOU ready? - a hundered and eleven people cheer - Well, than, GIVE IT UP FOOOORRRRR.......STEPHEN COLBERT!!!!!!! -a hundered and ten people go apeshit while The Man walks into the studio.
End of audience warm-up.
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